repost, because i liked the post so much
Posted June 11, 2009on:
I can’t remember when I posted this, but it made me laugh all over again :’)
On Facebook, and I came across a fan group titled “I hate dogs” and I was like FINALLY, a group of people understand my pain; and on this page was a very handy link to this website; detailing all the reasons why dogs should be annihilated; except useful dogs.
Then I found this,
8:00 am – Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 PM – Ran back and forth in the hall! My favourite thing!
5:00 PM – Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 PM – Got to play tug! My favourite thing!
8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.
They continue to pick me up and handle me, an obvious attempt to subvert me.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released — and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
Tonight I will again lay on their heads while they sleep and hope to smother them.
ps. i don’t usually say lol, but it seemed vey appropriate in this case.
racine carrée d’un négatif means the square root of negative one, curtesy of Lewis..because I am a pretty crappy french speaker.
And we all know how much I love my imaginary numbers. Just though I’d slot that in there.
This an ACE cartoon, and I am such a geek.